I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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