It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
