I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
