Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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