You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My vagina is officially offended.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize