Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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