He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
