My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
