I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I party with great urgency now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize