TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
