Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
