Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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