mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
