A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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