This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
