Yo dont text me then not text me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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