I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
