Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
