I met the friendliest cop last night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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