Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
