I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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