Did you just see the Batmobile???
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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