I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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