I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
