forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
