if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
