Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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