Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
