she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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