She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
