i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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