i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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