Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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