Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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