Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
