remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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