but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
