Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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