I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
