i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
