Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
