it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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