Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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