At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Drunk is a universal language darling
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
