oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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