Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
