i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
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