There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
