yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
