we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize