hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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