last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
