had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
