you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
