I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
