I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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