the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize