2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize