You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
