Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
