they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
