I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
