I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
