I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
