man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
