i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
