dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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