I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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