my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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